Brazilian fined for untrimmed bush

Brazilian-born Mrs Juanita Trellis of Cwmcarn was fined £20 this week for allowing an unruly buddleia to overhang the path ouside her house. For advice on trimming your bush, contact Alan Titchmarsh.

Dog-faced boy can't come clean

Jo-Jo, the dog-faced boy in Risca-based Circus Le Petomane, yesterday lost his case to shave his face at an industrial tribunal in Newport.

Colin Wilberforce, whose stage name is 'Jo-Jo', has hypertrichosis, a genetic disorder causing long hair to grow all over his face and body, which is a central part of his act as 'Jo-Jo the dog-faced boy'. Curcus-owner Mr Adophe Petomane explained to the tribunal that Colin's contract of employment called for him to keep his facial hair untrimmed during the circus' touring season.

I know it's hard for him,' said Mr Petomane, 'I know it makes it difficult for him to do ordinary things like going to the pub and meet girls so I have every sympathy. I don't mind what he does with his facial hair - dying it, curling it, spiking it up with gel - as long as he's hairy. People come to our circus to see his act as a classic dog-faced boy, it's part of a long tradition of gawking at people who are different.'

If you want to employ a dog-faced boy, why not place a small ad?

Man left penniless

Edwin Throckmorton of Croesyceiliog was 'gutted' yesterday at learning that his father had left the family's lucky penny to a cousin. The miserable old stinker left it to our Kevin because I wouldn't bring him his slippers. That penny was very lucky and should have been mine by rights,' Mr Throckmorton said bitterly.

For advice on how to make sure your shamelessly spiteful will is watertight, see here.

"Fingers" out on his own

Blaenavon can now proudly boast its very own rock ‘n’ roll harpsichordist on call 24hrs. Following in the footsteps of similar businesses now flourishing in Abergavenny and Chepstow, Ferdinand ‘Fingers’ Mc Ginty has set up in business as a flying freelance ivory-tickler. He says: ‘the harpsichord isn’t just for the posh and it’s very portable so I am available anytime anywhere for any event. I’ll do weddings, bar mitzvahs, funerals, football matches or I can just come round and drown out the telly when Anne Robinson is being unnecessarily catty. Reasonable rates and discounts for pensioners.’

If you’d like advice on starting your own business, see here.